it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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