Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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