Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
