So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
