So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
