from now on my penis is your penis
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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