Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
