The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
