Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
