I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
