I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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