She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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