my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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