did you get engaged???
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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