Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
