You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
