And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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