Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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