just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
