He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
