In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So many bounce houses so little time
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
