I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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