my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
