i love accidental penises.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
