Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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