So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
