is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
