I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Buhtt sex?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
