why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Life is so much better after having sex.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
