mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
