I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize