you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
