What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
