Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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