I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
