Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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