You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
