Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were trust falling into bushes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
