Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
