he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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