i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
