i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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