i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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