The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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