I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
