i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
