after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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