just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
