Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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