i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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