Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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